Archive for the ‘Sanctification’ Category

My Ball and Chain

March 9, 2007

I live with someone who makes my life really difficult. I’ve known this person for a very long time, and I’ve gotta say that sometimes I wish I could get a break. This person is always making mistakes that I have to pay for. Some days I feel like I spend the whole day just cleaning up the messes this person leaves behind.

This thorn in my side has caused me to lose my job in the past. I fear sometimes that this individual will be a bad influence on the people around me, too. I know it seems obvious that I should probably stay away from anyone as bad as all this. But I’m stuck with him. This person is me.

Some people seem incapable of seeing when they are to blame for things going bad. They somehow never see their own faults. I don’t get people like that. I feel like I understand lots of different kinds of people. But I’ve never been able to understand people who don’t occasionally struggle with self-loathing. I can identify more with the great theologian, Pink, who said:

Every day I fight a war against the mirror
I can’t take the person starin’ back at me
I’m a hazard to myself.
Don’t let me get me
I’m my own worst enemy
It’s bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don’t wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

At least now I know there are other people out there who feel the same way.

Ready for a brighter note?

I believe God can save me… even from me.

I’ve recently decided that I will not lie down and succumb to this wave of angst. I believe the Spirit that I have received is capable of doing better than that. I refuse to give up on being free of this ball and chain, because I’ve seen the Lord rescue me before. I choose to trust that He will do it again. Day after day, I will come to Him and believe that He is bigger than this person that I live with.

It will be a long struggle–one that I will fight for the rest of my life. I know that. But I think I’m finally realizing that He intends to make something out of this mess that is me. He will not quit, so neither will I.

Almost sounds kinda hopeful, doesn’t it?